The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.Thomas Szasz, The Second Sin (1973) “Personal Conduct”

Tonight’s topic is forgiving and should you or shouldn’t you in cases like mine? In what circumstances? OK, maybe the title is going a little too far in this forgiveness business but you have to admit, it’s damn funny! But then again, maybe it isn’t…

I was in a 28 day treatment program at Rogers Memorial Hospital over in Oconmowoc for adult children of abuse and the Doctors (psychiatrists and PhD psychologists) there don’t believe you should neccessararily forgive someone who doesn’t deserve being forgiven. Their reasoning was that you earn pardon by taking responsibility for your harmful behavior, saying you are sorry and making amends to the person you have harmed.

My mother hasn’t earned forgiveness from me or any of her children. I believe she is mentally ill so in some ways I don’t believe she has the capacity to ask for forgiveness without being taken by the hand and led to the altar. I refuse to play god and do that. It wouldn’t be sincere and besides it would be so grudging and insincere it wouldn’t mean anything.

It would be like making two little boys caught fighting on the school playground apologize to each other. You just know they are going to start slugging each other the moment they get off school grounds. My Mother would just start manipulating me the way she has always manipulated everyone her whole life as soon as she thought the storm was over. It’s useless to try to come to terms with her in any sane way.

I refuse to be lured back into that dysfunctional lunatic asylum they want me to call a family. It’s not my family. It’s interesting that I discovered a Fate family genealogy site that includes my Mother’s Father and Mother. All of the details about my family are wrong. My mother is listed as having died in 1973. I don’t exist at all.

At first I was offended and wanted to correct that error by emailing my mother’s fourth cousin twice removed but then while I was searching Google trying to find his email address I found this site and I realized that sometime somebody somewhere is going to be doing an internet search for the Charles and Della FATE FAMILY of Clay Center, Nebraska and they are going to find me. Phyllis Fate’s dirty little secret is out in the open where everyone can find it.

Revenge is sweet sayeth the lord. Just call me Cthulah.

Barbara Jean Gavin born 09/05/1952

former daughter of William Dale Gavin and Phyllis Ann Fate Gavin

married Richard LeRoy Lewellyn b09/26/1950-06-28-1999

son b 02/05/1971

daughter b 05/13/1974

grandson b 03/22/00

grandaughter being adopted b 1246 And the beat goes on…